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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146713">Love, Hate, and Everything Between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicspellman67/pseuds/sapphicspellman67'>sapphicspellman67</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018), Madam Spellman - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, hurt/comfort/revenge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:42:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicspellman67/pseuds/sapphicspellman67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zeldas trauma was never mentioned and it pissed me off, so I tried to do my take on it. Basically Zelda can't take it anymore and Lilith finds her. But does she help Zelda or leave her?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith, zelda spellman/lilith/madam satan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love, Hate, and Everything Between</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zelda never mentioned her trauma. Though everyone knew what she went through, they wouldn’t dare utter an “are you okay” nor a “how are you doing” because they knew they would get ice cold stares thrown their way, or Hellfire, for that matter. Zelda is a force to be reckoned with. Strong, independent, resilient, powerful, obstinate type of woman. Yet, nobody knew just how shattered she was inside. Before Blackwood put her under the Caligari spell, Zelda thought these things of herself too, but after what he put her through? Not as much. If at all. Which is why she finds herself screaming so loud blood runs down the back of her throat, mascara smeared down her cheeks, red lipstick smudged at the creases, looking like Ophelia from Hamlet. She vowed to herself that she would protect herself, and those she loves, if it were the last thing she does. Then, of all things, to be used, bruised, and abused AGAIN by non-other than the villain himself, Faustus Blackwood, in the perverse, under his will, his doing, is almost too much for her to bare. <em>Almost</em>.</p>
<p>“Damn you, Blackwood!” she screams, throwing one of the flower vases against the wall, clear across the bathroom. She watches it shatter into what seems like a million pieces. <em>‘I wish that were me</em>’ she thinks to herself. She’s pacing back and forth now, trying to catch her breath, stopping to stare at herself in the mirror- at the mess she’s made of herself- squeezing the countertop so tight her knuckles are turning white, feeling like they’re about to burst. “I knew better. I never even trusted you. I was so stupid to think I’d get to the top without any obstacles in my way, unbeknownst that <em>you</em> were the only obstacle” spewing her words at herself, well, in the mirror, envisioning Blackwood. The thought alone that she had seemingly caused herself all of this pain and heartache made it <strong>so</strong> much worse, causing an explosive pang of ice soar through her veins and into her heart, freezing it in place, not allowing another beat to happen. She clutches her chest now, aware that she’s on the verge of another panic attack. Falling to her knees and hitting the tile like the vase she had thrown just minutes earlier, surely to leave bruises.</p>
<p>‘I’m so stupid. This is all my fault’ she silently says to herself, seeping further and further into the floor, seemingly wanting it to swallow her whole and never spit her out. Intrusive thoughts of him violently pining her to the wall, knowing she is entirely unable say no because of the Caligari spell, yet all too eager when she smiles at him, without her consent. “Stop it” she whispers to herself, wanting it all to stop and to never remember again, yet all she can do right now is feel his hands on her ribs, sliding further and further up until they are wrapped around her neck, making her unable to breathe as if he was her own personal noose. “STOP!” she screams at the top of her lungs, picking a chair up throwing it against the wall again, wishing her venomous mind could hear her and just stop making her reexperience. “Stop. Stop. STOP PLEASE STOP SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!” she screams again, the taste of blood making its way back down her throat, though did it really ever leave? She starts smacking the ground now, punching it til’ her knuckles bleed, yet being numb to any pain, well, physical pain, at the moment, not knowing she had slammed her hands down right on the shattered glass, cutting her hand up and dripping blood on the floor and her pants. ‘I’m useless.’ ‘no I’m not’ ‘yes you are’ she thinks to herself, fighting with her inner demons who are causing her further pain, as if there’s a piece of Blackwood inside of her. These thoughts are all too consuming, she is drowning. Her own thoughts and flashes of him overpowering her, as if she had been thrown in a pool of cement, unable to get out. She’s unable to see as her makeup has smeared everywhere and somehow her tears keep spilling over like the Niagara Falls have just busted open. “I know what will make it all stop.” She says aloud, closing her eyes and waving her hand in the air to reveal a vile of neon green liquid. “This will make it stop. This is my only option” she says in distress, looking at and admiring it as if it were Hekate herself. She pops open the lid and all of her senses stop, save the all-consuming roaring in her ears, like a never-ending train just begging to crash. She swirls it around once more before closing her eyes and whispering ‘here goes nothing’ then tossing it back.</p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Lilith has been walking the halls every night since Adam was born. Seems to be the only time she is able to get peace and quiet. Well, as much peace as the Mother of Demons is able to. Except for tonight, that is. What she hears, and feels, as she walks through the corridors is eerie, dreadful. She feels as though she has just waltzed into a funeral with severely mourning people. She abruptly stops, feeling an uncomfortable pang deep within her chest as though someone had just shot her. She clutches at her chest, wriggling around a bit to rid the sudden discomfort from her chest, turning her neck in every direction. Then she hears it. Glass shattering. She whirls her head around to the direction of the sound, waiting for another sign of, well, whatever the Heaven that was. ‘Great’ she says to herself, ‘another problem we have to fix. Saving the world, once again’. She shakes her head at this. “Best not wake Zelda and the rest of the coven up, suppose I’ll handle this myself, become of some use” she says aloud, as though she were the star of the ‘Fix it’ show and her audience was right in front, having Zelda seated in the front row, of course. Though she’d never tell a soul, she admired the woman. Whether it was her unbreaking power or ethereal beauty. Or both. <em>Definitely</em> both.</p>
<p>She violently shakes her head at herself, unbelieving that she let her thoughts play out so desperate like that. She’s made to halt again, hearing ear-piercing screams coming from one of the rooms, kind of sounding like Zelda. She remembers her scream from when she was giving birth and all of those incredible women surrounded her, taking her pain on as their own. Not that she was focusing in on Zeldas voice because it brought her immense comfort. <em>Never</em> that. ‘BOOM’ she hears again. Slowly but surely inching closer, wary of what lies ahead, is when she hears it. That faint, weak all-too familiar voice of none other than the woman who was just invading her thoughts- which happens way too often, for the record. She can tell Zelda is in distress just by the tone of her voice. Usually Zelda has the sternest, huskiest, strongest, sultrily hoarse, dripping with attitude, demanding voice there is. Not that she has her voice etched into her memory- and heart, for that matter- like a perfectly woven blanket. No. She just has a good memory, is all.</p>
<p>She walks up to the bathroom door, not sure if she should knock or just open it up. Neither, she decides. Instead, she puts her ear against the door, a wave of nausea hitting her as she feels like she is invading her privacy. As she turns to leave, she hears faint whimpers, like a sorrowful lullaby drawing her in. With all the willpower she’s able to conjure up, she gives two soft knocks with her knuckles to the old wooden door. “Zelda?” she calmingly calls out, not wanting to disturb Zelda with whatever she may be doing yet being unable to leave whatever is going on alone. “Zelda? Are you in there?” she tries again, awaiting a response that she feels she will never get, sighing as she starts to walk away. <em>‘I know what will make it all stop… this will make it stop… this is my only option’</em> she hears Zelda say, barely above a whisper. “Zelda? Zelda can you hear me? Are you okay? Not that I’m prying, was just taking my nightly stroll through the Academy and I overheard some yelling. So, are you, okay?” furrowing her brows and holding her breath as she awaits a response but is met with dead silence. So deadly that it actually, physically pains her. “Zelda tell me you are okay, or at the very least tell me to leave you the Heaven alone, as you are very familiar with that statement” she tries, hoping a dose of their daily banter will bait her into talking to her. She waits just a moment more before deciding to see for herself. “I’m coming in” she spits out, irritation whirling around the words. She waves her hand in the air to make the door disappear and what awaits her on the bathroom floor is a horror story.</p>
<p>“ZELDA!” she exasperates, all sense of air leaving her lungs as though she had dove head first into the ice cold atlantic ocean. Stumbling over shards of glass she makes her way to where Zelda is, lying in a small pool of her own blood, clutching a certain vile. “Zelda, can you hear me?! Oh, Lucifer, what have you done!” she spews, collecting Zelda in her arms as carefully as possible though not to break the already broken remains of the redheaded witch. She grabs hold of her chin, shaking her head left to right to try and wake her up, moving her head to lay atop Zeldas chest, hoping to get a sign of life. After a few moments she finally hears the soft, faint beat of Zeldas heart which comes to a complete stop after just two weak pulses. Praying to whoever the Heaven they’re praying to now, she grabs hold of Zeldas hand, which is still clutching the small vile to death. Reading the contents faster than she has ever read anything, she realizes what Zelda has done- she has taken Mortem, a suicide potion. “No, ZELDA NO!! Stay with me, I am not letting you go, you hear me?! You have fought way too hard and long to just end it all like this. The coven needs you, your family needs, Heaven I need you. So please, come back to us” she softly says to Zelda and whoever else is listening while carefully lying the witch down on the floor, coming to kneel beside her and placing her hands palm-down on Zeldas abdomen. ‘I know who can help you the most’, she thinks to herself, hoping calling on the Three-in-One, as Zelda does often, will work. “I’ve seen you do it, so I’m sure I’m capable of evoking her too” she quietly says, hoping their Dark Mother will hear her pleas and rescue thee. “I call on you now, Hecate. Mother, maiden, crone. One of your very own is at a crossroads between the life of the living and the silence of the dead. Dark Mother, I summon thee. Return Zelda to the land of the living, for it is not her time yet. Combine your powers with mine and bring Zelda back to me” she chants, awaiting a response she feels she will never be granted.</p>
<p>Gasping for the life back in her, Zelda jolts awake as though someone had put a defibrillator on her and charged it to the full 1,000 volts. Clutching at her chest, smearing her blood all over her clothes, screaming at the top of her lungs feeling as if someone had just ripped her limb from limb. “Zelda I’m right here!” Lilith scoots to her, grasping her shoulder with her right hand and her thigh with her left. Zelda jumps at the second touch, not knowing Lilith had been there for her, basically resurrecting her. Zelda doesn’t utter a word, blankly staring at the woman in front of her. “Zelda, your hand” Lilith nods in the direction, slowly moving to grab it so she doesn’t startle Zelda again. “Let me see your hand, you’ve been cut“- she starts, looking over her shoulder at the shards of glass everywhere “-and my guess would be that is the culprit. Give me your hand”, she sternly asks, allowing Zelda to make the decision if she wants any further help, and she does. She stretches her arm out and rests her hand palm up in Liliths hand, which is almost the exact same size as her hand. Closing her eyes and holding Zeldas hand in one hand, other hand settling directly above it in the air, she starts “seal these cuts, heal her heart, return her skin from the start”, making any wound disappear. She untucks her shirt out of her skirt, taking just the end and wiping the blood off of Zelda, stopping when she realizes just how intimate this sentiment is, judging by Zeldas cautious face, furrowed brows and dejected eyes. “Thank you” Zelda softly says, adverting her eyes from Lilith and trying to look anywhere but the exposed patch of skin at her waist. “No need to thank me, Zelda. You saved, well stopped, me from myself so it’s only fair I do the same. Now tell me, what the Heaven happened to cause such self-destruction from virtually the strongest woman I’ve ever met?”</p>
<p>Zelda glances at Liliths face then, worried she’d find disgust and vexation written all over it. What she finds, though, isn’t disgust nor annoyance, but utter concern. Liliths features are softened as she’s looking at Zelda now. Soft eyes, pursed lips, and furrowed brows meeting darkened orbs and a blank, messy face. “I just-“ Zelda starts, unable to form a coherent sentence as the invasive memories whirl around in her mind again. Shaking her head, she tries to suppress these images, tears spilling over her tightly shut eyes. “Zelda…” Lilith breathes out, coming to sit next to her and taking her in her arms, securing the redheaded witch in her arms and pressing her cheek against Zeldas forehead. This is when Lilith <strong>knows</strong>. Heaven, she’s lived it before.</p>
<p>After a few minutes of rocking them both back and forth, allowing Zelda to ruin her shirt even further with her tears and makeup, she leans back, grabbing hold of the left side of Zeldas face, turning her to face her. Looking back and forth between Zeldas emerald eyes, she starts “whether you like it or not, you and I are more alike than you know”, wiping another fallen tear with her thumb, trying to smudge away the leaked mascara, “I have been where you are countless times, Zelda. And let me tell you- he is not worth it. I know he put you through hell and more, Zelda. Lucifer did horrible, awful things to me. I know the look of defeat when I see it. I gave up on myself, but I will <strong>not</strong> allow you to do the same.” Zeldas eyes go big at this, some life working its way back into her beautiful eyes. “He’s ruined me, Lilith. Used and abused me like I’ve never been. I was doing so well with repressing those memories form the Caligari spell. Then when he put us all in his warped reality in the perverse it just… all of those suppressed feelings, the physical feel of him on me again, it just…” “I know” Lilith finishes, releasing her hold on Zeldas face to allow her to properly sit up, them both leaning back against the wall, their breathing somehow becoming one.</p>
<p>“Why are you here? With me, I mean” Zelda asks, afraid of the answer she may receive. They’ve never been friends, per se, barely even cordial towards each other. Though when they find themselves staring at the other, they shake the intrusive feeling off. “Honestly, I heard your scream and it... it scared me” Lilith offers her, a small, plain smile plastered across her lips, that drips off as if it had been melted off. “Scared you? You’ve never been one to be scared” Zelda shakes her head at her, obviously not believing her, thinking there has to be some other ulterior motive. “Hearing the clear, evident pain in your voice, Zelda, did scare me. You have never been one to sound so… hurt. I thought another doom was upon us all, so imagine my surprise when I find you like, this”, she motions around, then towards Zelda. “Yes, well…” Zelda starts, unable to finish as her voice cracks again. Lilith reaches over to place her hand atop Zeldas, stroking the top of her left hand with her thumb them squeezing it, offering her some kind of comfort to which Zelda half-smiles at her, not moving her hand away and instead, stretching her fingers up to lace them with Liliths.</p>
<p>After a few, quiet moments Zelda tells her “Lilith, I’m sorry Lucifer treated you the way he did”, sincerity dripping out of her mouth. “Yes, well, you didn’t either, Zelda. Does this” she looks throughout the room- “happen often? To where you can’t take it anymore and feel hopeless?” “Honestly? Not really. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I tend to shove every feeling down, not allowing myself to ‘dwell’ on them. I’m not sure what happened this time” she sighs, leaning her head back against the wall to look up at the flickering light, snapping her fingers to dim them all as a headache has made its way to the forefront of her head. “Oh, no, I’ve never noticed your blatant disregard of any and all ‘feelings’” Lilith teases her, hoping to make her smile again, even if it is miniscule. Lilith would never tell a soul, but Zeldas smile, to her, was one of the seven wonders of the world. It makes her feel all gooey inside, like a schoolgirl. Zelda just rolls her eyes at her, turning her face away from Lilith to smile quietly to herself.</p>
<p>“What do I do, Lilith?” Zelda asks, desperate for an answer to help her never feel this way again. “We could kill the bastard” she jokes, to which Zelda straightens up, features turning stern and dark once more, looking back at Lilith she replies “I must. It’s what has to be done, if not to make me feel better but to put a stop to his vile, venomous ways” she starts, “I’ll enlist the help of Prudence and Ambrose, of course” then turns to Lilith to ask, “would you… will you help me, Lilith?” she asks, worried she’d tell her no, that it isn’t her problem nor her battle to fight, because it isn’t. It’s <em>hers</em>. He put <em>her</em> through this, not Lilith. Her hurtful thoughts are interrupted by Lilith, “of course I will help you, Zelda. As I’ve said before, we are a lot alike. I know and share the pain you feel. And to much of your, and my, dismay, I kind of like you” Lilith shrugs her shoulders at that last sentence while Zelda stares at her and raises her eyebrows. “<em>You</em>, Lilith, like me? Yeah, and I still worship the Dark Lord” she chuckles at herself, finding this part of their conversation absolutely ludicrous. As if Lilith can even stand her, she thinks to herself. “We’re basically ‘frenemies’, you and I” putting her fingers in the air, visually creating quotations, around the word frenemies.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to be” Lilith offers her, “we’ve been through a lot, you and I. Separate and together, you helped me escape Lucifer, you protected me from and even killed one of the kings of hell, we basically share custody of Sabrina, even if we didn’t know it. Heaven, you helped me give <em>birth</em>, Zelda. It would make sense if we became friends, instead of enemies, unless you really just hate me, and if that’s the case, then I hate you too” she challenges her at her last statement, staring at Zelda, searching her face for any expression but is met with squinted eyes, one raised eyebrow and pursed lips, all of which subside and Zelda rolls her eyes, “I suppose you’re right. Besides, I don’t have the time to hate anyone else anymore. All my hatred is directed solely at Blackwood” she turns towards Lilith now, “I will kill him for all he’s done” she says sharply, clenching her jaw, a snarl forming on her face. “I would love to help you, Zelda” she tells her, grabbing her hand once more. “And besides, after I help you destroy him, then you will owe me” she proudly states, raising her eyebrow as she smirks, trying to get arise out of Zelda, not an angry one- like she usually does- but a knowing one, a <em>playful</em> one. “One I’m sure you will never neglect to collect” Zelda chuckles, shaking her head at the absurdity of this woman.</p>
<p>“We could kill Lucifer, create a pact to help each other” Zelda blurts out, half meaning it and half joking. “That’s exactly what we’re going to do” Lilith retorts, eyes growing wider and wider by the second. She abruptly stands, startling Zelda, before reaching her hand out to her, which Zelda gladly takes, standing next to her, brows furrowed in utter confusion and a hint of disbelief. “We’re going to kill both Blackwood <em>and</em> the Dark Lord? You and I?” Zelda exasperates in utter incredulity. “And why not?” Lilith starts, shrugging her shoulders and motioning between the two of them with her free hand, right hand still holding onto Zeldas. “We are both extremely powerful women. We’ve handled every situation thrown at us thus far, and besides, what do we have to lose?” “Lilith, that’s ridiculous. Kill the Dark Lord? Just at the beginning of this year we couldn’t so much as trap him without almost killing ourselves-“ Zelda tries to explain, but is cut off by Lilith, who turns directly in front of Zelda, taking both her hands in her own “’<strong>almost</strong>’, exactly. We did trap him, we did win. And we can do it again, and this time we will beat him for the final time.” “You’re insane” Zelda tells her, staring at her, watching various scenarios of them trying to kill Lucifer play out in her head, finally tilting her head side to side and pursing her lips, coming back to stare at Lilith and drop her hands as she motions between the two of them. “We can do it. I’m sure we can. But not alone, no. We will need the help of the entire coven to kill them both. And after what both Blackwood and the Dark Lord put them through, I’m certain they’ll agree. Prudence especially.” She walks a couple steps to stand directly next to Lilith, holding her hand out for Lilith to grab this time, as she raises her eyebrow at her. “What do you say about Revenge, Lilith?” Lilith darts her eyes from Zeldas eyes, to her hand, and back to her eyes again before smirking and grabbing her hand. “Death to them both” she says, as both women walk out of the bathroom, hand-in-hand, Zelda halting them both just as they passed the threshold, looking back over her shoulders at the mess she’d made, snapping her free hand in the air, fixing the bathroom back to what it looked like earlier in the day. Turning back to look at Lilith, she asks her, “ready for the start of the end?” “Born ready” Lilith responds, squeezing Zeldas hand tighter as they walk through the corridors of the Academy of Unseen Arts, hand in hand, creating a bond that was begging to be formed from the very moment they first met.</p>
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